On our return from coursing, we found an abundant dinner prepared, at which presided two ladies, one of whom was the bonne amie of the Colonel. The evening passed so pleasantly with music, singing, and plentiful libations of punch, that before we recollected we had to return to Madrid, it was past the hour of shutting the gates, and we were therefore obliged to remain. As no beds could be procured, cards were called for, and we spent the night at Bouillot. I played with various success, but was latterly a considerable loser, when one lucky hit brought me nearly home. We left off at six o’clock, and after refreshing myself by washing my face, I played a few games of billiards, but was unsuccessful, from too soon exposing my play. My loss in cash I regretted much less than that of a gold broach, representing a pointer dog, finely executed. These kind of trinkets were so uncommon among the French and Spaniards, that all the company mistook it for an order, and made many enquiries respecting it. I did not think proper to undeceive them, and they were ashamed to be too inquisitive, lest they should expose their ignorance on a subject, with which their amour-propre led them to conceive they should be acquainted. The broach was in my shirt on sitting down to dinner; but one of the ladies amusing herself with an innocent game of romps, it disappeared!

An inspector of review being expected to examine some horses, the Colonel was obliged to wait his arrival; and as I could not return to Madrid without an escort, I was also obliged to wait till the review was over, which was not till three o’clock, when after a déjeûné à la fourchette, we set out, and reached Madrid late in the evening. On my return to the Retiro, I found that our absence had given rise to several stories, some asserting that the party was cut to pieces, and that I was carried off by the brigands, while others were as confident that I had deserted, King Joseph being informed of our absence, a search was ordered to be made in every direction. Had I had the most distant idea of the consequences, I should certainly have returned the same night; but the fact was, I was so well amused, that neither King Joseph, General Beliard, the commandant of the Retiro, or my being a prisoner, ever once entered my head. A certain insouciance of character is occasionally a blessing, for it not only prevents us from poisoning our pleasures, by anticipating evils, but it also enables us to support them when they arrive; and had I not possessed a portion of this happy indifference, I should probably have sunk under the various difficulties I at times have had to encounter.

The morning after my return, the Adjutant de Place called on me with the information that King Joseph had ordered me to be closely confined. As I had no doubt but that this order originated with the General himself, I wrote him an explanatory letter on the subject of my last day’s absence. I soon however discovered, that had I not stirred from Madrid, I should have been equally made a close prisoner, from the apprehensions entertained of an insurrection of the inhabitants, in which it appeared that I was denounced as intending to take an active part. Five centinels were at first placed over me, and two more were afterwards added. During the day I received several visits from my friends in the city, and found that I had acquired their esteem; probably from never talking seriously, but confining myself to chit chat, or bagatelle, when in French society. The officers confined with me, namely, Captain Annesley, Lieutenant Sheetry, and Ensigns Watts and Moulson, all of the 89th, were entirely disposed to cheerfulness: my confinement therefore was not so disagreeable as it would otherwise have been; and, indeed, I determined on appearing perfectly indifferent on the subject, not to give my enemies the satisfaction of believing they could annoy me.

Happening to have with me White’s Veterinary, and knowing the French and Spanish ignorance of the treatment of horses, I, in order to amuse myself, proposed giving lectures on the subject, and treating the horses of my friends gratis. This was no sooner known, than sick and lame horses came from all quarters. The first I took in hand was an English mare of Monsieur de Billi, who had received a severe blow in the eye, and was pronounced incurable. By frequent steeping I succeeded in reducing the inflammation; I then applied finely pounded sugar, and lastly, Goulard’s extract of Saturn, made weak, which produced a perfect cure. The horse of a general officer was next brought me, which I was told the General highly esteemed, and had tried every thing to restore. The animal had not been able to put one of his feet to the ground for nine months. I immediately perceived that he had picked up a nail, which produced a great inflammation and suppuration. Taking the horse’s foot between my legs, (which surprised the attendants, as in France and Spain one man holds up the leg while another puts on the shoe, or performs any other operation*) [* In the Low Countries, the horse’s foot is raised by an iron chain.] I pared down the foot near the heel with a penknife, and soon perceived a small stump of a nail; on extracting which, a considerable discharge took place, and on letting down the foot, the animal walked with great firmness, to the great astonishment of the spectators, who could not be persuaded but that I had acted by some charm. My fame as a horse doctor was now spread throughout Madrid, and I had so much practice, that had I taken fees, I should have made a handsome livelihood. In consequence of this, I was allowed to go to the stables and the forge, both within the walls. I had often in foreign countries, as well as when hunting, experienced the inconvenience of not being able to make and put on a horse-shoe, I therefore at once applied seriously, and soon made myself expert in the business. My particular friends now considered it as the highest favour to have a horse shod by me, and shewed him about in all directions, with no small vanity; for although I might not be considered as a first-rate blacksmith in England, both my shoes and shoeing were infinitely superior to those of the Spaniards.

During the course of the French revolution, I frequently reflected in what manner I could gain a livelihood if my country was in similar circumstances, and felt a certain confidence in my knowledge of the treatment of horses. In another respect I was also at ease, that was in Cookery; having often found the necessity of being my own cook while on campaigns, or grousing parties, I learnt to excel particularly in the dressing of four dishes. Indeed I cooked my own dinner almost the entire journey from Grenada to Madrid; for being allowed six rations of meat and bread, with a proportion of wine per day, I usually prepared dinner at my quarters, which afforded me an opportunity of inviting the officers of the 89th. As I was also allowed barley and chopped straw for the mules, the only articles I had to purchase were a few onions and other vegetables; and in fact there was seldom any thing else to be bought, so that my whole expences from Grenada to Madrid, for living and fareing very well, did not exceed twelve francs, though the distance is above three hundred miles.

In spite of my resolution to appear indifferent, I soon found the want of liberty become insupportable, and more particularly so as I was under the charge of a brutish lieutenant of the 43d infantry, who, conceiving I had treated him with contempt, placed two additional centinels over me, and greatly diminished the limits I had been allowed to walk in. The conduct of this fellow was indeed as illiberal as that of the lowest ruffian, but had no other effect on my treatment of him, than causing me to express the most sovereign contempt both for his mind and person. The sarcasms I threw out on the latter in particular, made him furious; for though a deformed little monster, he had the highest opinion of his personal beauty. In this respect, nature occasionally compensates her stinginess, by giving to such kind of animals a more than common share of conceit and vanity.

Among my visitors were some Spanish ladies, who sung and played, so that with the assistance of my male friends, I was enabled to produce an occasional and tolerable concert. Before I was thus closely confined, I used to attend concerts at Monsieur Denia’s three or four times a week, where there were always assembled some first rate performers; particularly Monsieur Garnier, who is ranked among the first hautboys in Europe. At Monsieur Crochard’s, who was an excellent violin [sic], we used also to have some pleasant dinner parties and evening concerts.

December 25. In spite of all my attempts to render captivity less galling, the time passed on but heavily, and I had abundant proof that nothing can compensate the loss of liberty, wanting which, “even virtue mourns and looks round for happiness in vain.” At length Christmas day arrived, and as I am one of those old fashioned persons, who think that the good old customs of our forefathers are not “better kept in the breach than in the observance,” I invited some of my friends, among whom were General Briott and Messrs. Cavallos and Hervot, to dinner, which they accepted. Our repast was tolerably good, but most exorbitantly dear; the French traiteur (residing in the Retiro) who furnished it, doubtless thinking he had a right to make me pay doubly, for the double title by which he addressed me, of My Lord Général Anglois. I had however some reason to suppose, that the Adjutant de Place shared in his profits, from his always highly praising him. This officer latterly became good-humoured, and I once invited him to dinner, when he swallowed our anecdotes bordering on romance as greedily as he did his wine, of which he took a good allowance. Indeed the character which the French have acquired of great sobriety, is only merited when they pay for their wine, for I have always found them ready to do justice to the bottle when at others expence. But to return to our Christmas dinner. In the midst of our conviviality, at nine o’clock, the lieutenant of the 43d entered, with two of the guard, and ordered us to disperse, in such an insolent manner, that I asked him, “if this brutal stile was natural to him, or if he had received orders to use such uncouth language?” adding, “that if he would try the experiment, he would find that a gentlemanly manner would be much more certain of producing a ready compliance.” We therefore determined that he should use force to disperse us; but this extremity he did not choose, and at last
retired with his soldiers.

The arrival of troops from various quarters, and of disabled soldiers about to return to France to receive their discharge, indicated that we were likely to march soon, to the no small joy of our officers and soldiers, as well as of many French officers, who were either to compose our escort, or were returning to France for various causes, General Beliard often inspected them in the court of the Retiro, but I never spoke to him: and on the 27th December, when it was notified to us that we were to march on the 29th, I received a polite note from him requesting my company to dinner, which I refused. Indeed, his conduct had been entirely unbecoming an officer and gentleman, not only to myself, but to every English officer at Madrid; for though they were nominally on parole, they were confined in the Retiro; or when occasionally permitted to go into the town, were always accompanied by some subaltern officer, whose appearance and manners denoted any thing but a gentleman. For my own part, I refused to quit the Retiro with such an attendant, who I was sure would misrepresent every thing he heard me say, and give a false and garbled account of my conduct to the General; and I know that such misrepresentation had been made. The General paid no attention to the complaints made by the officers of the studied insults they received. It is however but justice to the generality of the French superior officers that I have had occasion to meet in Spain, to acknowledge, that their conduct formed a striking contrast to that of General Beliard, and indeed they all spoke in the most indignant terms of his behaviour.