February 7. The following morning I accompanied M. Crochard to a milliner’s to purchase some cravats; but being no great judge of muslin, I requested a pretty shop girl to select some for me, and bring them to my hotel, where shortly after my return, she made her appearance. There was an interesting seriousness in her manner that induced me to inquire into the cause of so uncommon an appearance in a French milliner of nineteen; and I learnt that she had lost both her father and mother (who were of the lesser noblesse) by the guillotine, in the revolution; that about a year back she had formed an attachment to a young man, who returned her love, and with whom she hoped to be happy the remainder of her days, and to be in some measure recompensed for the loss of her parents at so early an age; but that her lover was drawn for the conscription a few months since, and sent to Spain, where he added one to the numberless victims of Buonaparte’s ambition, having been killed in battle. She told her tale with a degree of melancholy sweetness and sensibility, whilst the tears forced their way in spite of her, that not a little affected me. While she was recounting her story the American doctor entered, and when she withdrew he bore testimony to its truth, being well acquainted with her misfortunes.

On my arrival at Bourdeaux, the doctor had recommended me a laquais de place, who, according to his own account, was unequalled by any of the tribe. Amongst his other qualifications was that of dressing horses; and though his appearance bespoke very little of the groom, I took him at his word, and entrusted him with the care of mine. He was a grey-headed old fellow, with a pigtail; two curls at each side; silk stockings much soiled; black velvet breeches, and a peagreen coat, with standing collar, and slack sleeves; in short, he answered completely to the description of the squires that attended the ladies in the days of chivalry. After a day or two I recollected that it was possible this piece of antiquity might not be so au fait in the management of horses as he pretended, and on visiting the stable I found my doubts changed into certainty, for although there were fifty-nine empty stalls, the stupid fellow had put my horse and mare into the sixtieth; nor had they been rubbed down since my arrival, he conceiving it quite enough if they had assez à boire et à manger. I immediately turned the sorry groom off and could not resist abusing him, when my landlord called me aside and advised me to beware and say little, as he was a spy of the police, and might do me mischief. This information induced me to make further inquiries, when I found by a female of the house that I was surrounded by spies who doubtless reported all my actions and words.

I this day dined with one of our officers and the quarter-master, who towards the evening, as the vine began to operate, became so laughably amusing that I persuaded him to accompany me to a French party. Though he had risen from the ranks, he had a perfect confidence in his good breeding, and to shew it off  made such strange gestures, kissed the ladies hands, and scraped and bowed till he became quite ridiculous. As his compliments were paid in English they remained unanswered; and the silence of an old lady, to whom he particularly addressed himself, I persuaded him was owing to deafness, when he bawled so loudly in her ear, that the poor woman was near going into a fit. At last dancing commenced, and, in spite of all my entreaties, he resolved upon taking out a partner; but being unused to waxed floors, his heels were soon tripped up, nor was he able to get again on his legs, for as often as he attempted to rise the slippery floor again brought him down, and thus he remained, to the great amusement of the company, who exclaimed, “Dieu, qu’il est drôle!” I proposed dancing round this fallen hero, which was immediately agreed to, and I never saw people enjoy any thing more: one of the young ladies observing, that, “certainly Messieurs les Anglois were, from their singularities, always the life and spirit of the company.”

I had now become quite the lion* of Bourdeaux, and not a day passed without a party being given on my account. These pleasurable days were however approaching towards their termination, for General Boivin began to look on me with an evil eye, probably from not being invited to these entertainments; for although his pretensions to esprit were very high, he was in reality so silly that people did not choose to be annoyed by his company.

* Lion, according to the English fashionable imagination, is a person who all are curious to see.

One morning I was not very agreeably surprised with a visit from the Adjutant de Place, a Pole, to inform me that I must immediately depart from Bourdeaux. I begged this officer to accompany me to the General, to which he consented, and we stepped into a hackney coach. The General, who was followed by a large greyhound, which seemed a great favourite, received me with an air of displeasure, and demanded the cause of my remaining so long at Bourdeaux? Instead of answering his question I exclaimed, “Dieu, quel joli chien!” and begged permission to inquire if it belonged to him? Upon this his countenance immediately brightened, and he answered, “oui, monsieur, et j’en ai trois autres.” I then told him I was fond of dogs à la folie, and should esteem it a particular favour if he would allow me to see see [sic] them. “Volontiers,” was the reply, and he conducted me to the yard, where they were passed in review, and I of course did not fail to praise their beauty and points, although neither was very conspicuous. The General next skewed me his stud, which I also pretended to admire, and begged to be gratified by his permitting me to mount one of his chargers, that I might judge better of his movements. A horse was accordingly got ready with a demi-peak, and I made him shew off to the best advantage, with which the General was so satisfied, and pleased with my compliments, that he forgot, or at least made no farther mention of my quitting Bourdeaux, and we parted with mutual compliments.

The two succeeding days passed without hearing any thing from the General; but on the third he sent for me, and informed me that he had received a letter from the Minister of War, mentioning me “as a dangerous character,” and directing him to send me off immediately with an escort; he therefore recommended my departure immediately, to avoid the disagreeable attendance of a gend’arme. I told him that I should certainly set out next day, being obliged to wait for my linen from the wash. “Monsieur,” said he, “a warrior should always be ready to put his foot in the stirrup.” As I saw that he wished to inspire me with a high idea of his military character, I replied, “certainly, Monsieur le Général, that must always be the case with an officer who has seen so much service as you, and who has also such horses at command.” –– “Do you know, Monsieur,” said he, “that I travelled from Germany hither in the depth of winter, and never thought anything of it!” –– “I have no doubt of it, Monsieur le Général, but your situation and mine are very different: you travelled in a good warm carriage, with all the comforts attached to the rank of a French general; while I have made a long journey through Spain as a prisoner, suffering many privations, and extremely unwell with a spitting of blood, owing to the bruises I received when taken; therefore you surely cannot deem me unreasonable in asking to remain until to-morrow;” to which he consented, and we parted.

In the evening, accompanied by the American doctor, I went privately to see some Portuguese, who had been arrested at the commencement of the war with Portugal, and detained as hostages. Our visit was obliged to be secret, for if the police had had knowledge of it, it might have produced disagreeable consequences, both to the Portuguese and to myself. One of them, the Marquis de P. . . ., had been Chamberlain to the Queen of Portugal; and certainly her majesty did not shew much taste in her choice, for he had much more of the baboon than of the human being in his appearance. His son, a chevalier, was also a strange looking animal; with his hair in curls and plastered with powder and pomatum, his feet resting on the railings of his chair, and his elbows on his thighs, he grinned so strongly, that he reminded me of jacko just about to make a spring, and I could scarcely keep my countenance. His father, however, seemed to entertain a high opinion of him: most certainly if he possessed abilities Lavater knew nothing of physiognomy. The brother of the Marquis, the grand prior, was however a rational man. But the person who pleased me most was le Sénateur; he was turned of fifty, with a noble deportment and general information he spoke French and English, and formerly executed the English business at Lisbon, where he recollected having seen me with the Duke of Sussex. Cards were introduced, and I played with such success, that winning two rubbers I found myself a gainer of twelve sols. After cards tea was served as a compliment to me, and it was certainly of an excellent quality; but M. le Marquis unluckily taking it into his head that I must be fond of sweet things, to which however I have a mortal aversion, obliged me to swallow a great piece of cake, that had nearly made me sick, which was only prevented by the introduction of some excellent old Port, in the praise of which I launched forth, in hopes of inducing them to produce a few bottles more, but we were obliged to be content with two. We talked with warmth of the affairs of Spain and Portugal, and I related the various successes of our armies in the former country, particularly Busaco, which led the Portuguese rather too far; for I had little doubt but that the doctor would repeat every word of our conversation to the police.

Recollecting that Madame le Tapis had promised me a good supper, and also to invite Mademoiselle Byrom and some of the opera performers, I quitted my Portuguese friends; and returning home found an excellent table set out, to which I had invited the Polish Major Sitowiski and one of our officers. The party was so agreeable, that with conversation, music, and champagne punch, the night passed away imperceptibly, and it was five o’clock before we broke up, when I retired with the melancholy reflection that the following morning I was to quit this charming scene of dissipation. It has often been remarked, that we can no more endure intense pleasure than intense pain; but at this time I should liked to have tried how much of the former I could bear. The privations I had suffered in my journey through Spain, were excellent preparations for the full enjoyment of the pleasures of Bourdeaux.

Early the following morning the cook informed me that some fine sea fish and other good things had just arrived; and while he was enumerating them my landlady made her appearance, and expressed her sorrow at my departure, adding that her house was never so gay; and promising, if I could only remain that day, she would prepare a dinner that would do her credit, and induce me to recommend her to my compatriots. Having agreed to this moderate request, I ordered dinner for six; the first course to be entirely of sea fish, and the dishes were suited to display the talents of the loquacious cook, to whom I regularly paid a visit every morning before breakfast. I had scarcely finished giving him my orders, when the Polish Major de Place, accompanied by two police officers, paid me an unwished for visit, and demanded what detained me at Bourdeaux? I answered that I had intended setting off that day, but that the persuasion of my hostess and the abilities of her cook had prevailed on me to remain; that I was sure Monsieur Pierre Pierre [sic] would not be so unkind as to deprive the good lady of the profits of her dinner; and still more, that he would not wish me to quit Bourdeaux without the favourable impression that this dinner could not fail to make. I moreover promised solemnly to depart the next morning; on which stipulation he unwillingly consented to my remaining. I soon after received a visit from Mr. Johnston, who apologized for not having invited me to dine; for which however there was no necessity, knowing, as I did, that had the English merchants shewn any expensive attentions to their countrymen, they would most probably have attracted the notice of the government, and might have been doubly taxed, upon the principle that if they could afford to give their countrymen entertainments, they could no doubt also afford to contribute largely to the state. I however concluded, that though it might be dangerous for Mr. Johnston to give me a dinner, there could be none in his dining with me, and therefore invited him, as well as Mr. Nero, who called himself a Swede, but who spoke English and several other languages so well that it would have been difficult to tell to what country he really belonged: for my own part, I was convinced of his being an Englishman. He had just returned from Paris with a licence to freight a vessel for London, which was to sail in a few days; and he was so kind as to offer to take charge of a very beautiful Spanish pointer, which I had procured at Burgos, and for which, for fear of losing him, I had taken an apartment in the hotel at nine francs per day, to the great surprise of my landlady. I have since heard that he arrived safe in England, and was much admired.

The evening passed very pleasantly over some of Mr. Johnston’s wine, which he had brought with him, and which I found so excellent, that I would recommend him to all who import their own wines. When we broke up I went to a small but pleasant society, where I supped, and did not get home till four o’clock.